I’m wasting time. I’m procrastinating. I’m avoiding. I have many things to do, and yet I continue to waste time. What is wrong with me?
There are so many reasons why I should not be behaving this way. Coincidentally perhaps, I am reading a book about a man who is dying of cancer. He knows it, and he is using every available moment to make the greatest impact. I have a friend who is consumed with a cause that has become her life. She, too, uses every available minute in the day. Another friend lives his Christianity every single day as though, for him, there will be no tomorrow.
I’ve begun to realize how short life is and how, all too often, death or illness reroute the lives of those around us. I’ve met prisoners who long for release to start over, and wait impatiently, their chance to begin doing things right. I really do recognize the importance of every single hour in the day.
It isn’t as though I have nothing important to do. I simply cannot seem to focus, to concentrate, or to commit myself to anything. I feel stalled in something like a time warp, and as the clock ticks on, my stress mounts, though the paralysis continues. I’m overwhelmed by all there is to do. I don’t read quickly enough…I can’t type quickly enough…I can’t complete projects that I won’t sit down to focus on!
I’m anxious today and restless. I want to be driven and consumed. I want to make a difference in this life. But I also realize I am comparing myself to others. Long ago I realized that there will always be better, stronger, smarter, more athletic, as well as others with less. I know that kind of thinking is not productive. I must work with what I have.
Well, at least I am writing this. One day, one thing at a time. Some days, I guess, one thing is all that is possible. Perhaps Twelve-Steppers have the right idea. More than one day can, at times, be overwhelming. May we all move forward, one moment at a time.
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.